Just Like Daddy

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So I get it. He’s a boy, his dad’s a boy. There’s a certain connection they have that I’ll never fully understand. Somehow, their anatomies gave them a certain predisposition to dragons, motorcycles, basketballs, and forts that I just don’t have. And that’s cool. I mean, sure, forts are cool, and I did play basketball for a year in middle school, but I kinda just want to bake some cookies.

Doodle is ALWAYS wanting to do things like Daddy. He wants to be big and strong like Daddy, go to work like Daddy, go potty like Daddy (standing up), brush his teeth like Daddy, eat his chicken like Daddy, play XBOX like Daddy… Seriously, if it is something Daddy naturally does/is, or it can be assumed that this is how Daddy might do/be, that’s what Doodle wants. Even when we ask him what he wants to dream about every night, while many of his answers change depending on what we’ve done or talked about throughout the day, his first answer is always, ALWAYS, that he wants to dream about Daddy. Sometimes Mommy doesn’t even get an honorable mention. :/

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Going to work like Daddy

And you know what? If there’s anyone I want him to look up to, it is Daddy. It’s not one of his uncles, his grandfather, any other male friends of Jake’s or mine. Not that all of those men aren’t wonderful people. They are all great influences in his life (no matter how much I may curse any one of them at any given point), they’re just not entirely what I want Doodle to model as he grows into a boy and eventually a man. I guess that’s why we chose each other to make a baby with.  Jake is intelligent, active, helpful, loyal, funny, and loving – but it’s not just Daddy’s attributes we wanted our little bun in the oven to have.

So, sure, it hurts my feelings just a bit when he doesn’t want to be big and strong like Mommy. But, while I am bigger and stronger than Doodle, big and strong are not exactly attributes I’d give to anyone who was only 110 pounds and couldn’t do a single pull-up. And, let’s be honest, I’d kind of rather him stand up to go potty – I mean, unless he needs to sit, sometimes even boys need to sit.

Would it kill him, though, to want to be sweet like Mommy? Or to want to cook like Mommy?  Mommy brushes her teeth, too.  Why does he have to do it like Daddy?  I get the whole “understanding gender roles” bit, and it’s awesome that he knows for a fact that he and Daddy are boys while I am a girl.  And I don’t want him to necessarily “be like Mommy” in all ways.  We are fundamentally different, and that’s totally cool.  But a little boy can look up to his Mommy, right?

And I’m sure he does.  Like his expressions of concern and sympathy towards someone when they are hurt or sad – I love my husband, but sympathy is not his strong suit.  And his current phase of independence is kind of mirroring my OCD, which I guess is endearing.  But sometimes Mommy wants a little recognition.  Sometimes Mommy just needs an “I think you’re a rockin’ person, Mom.”

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14 responses »

  1. It’s kind of eerie that we’re having the same problem but from opposite sides of the spectrum. (Note: Another similarity? We also call Stella “Doodle” around here, but I suppose in the realm of kid nicknames that’s not exactly the equivalent of a snowflake) I can remember vividly that one of my first raisons d’doom and gloom when I found out Stella’s gender was that I didn’t want a “daddy’s girl.” How ironic!! I guess we all just get our turn. I know that one day I will be the one out in the emotional cold while daddy is #1.

    • 🙂 I LOVE the nickname Doodle!

      Yeah, I think it starts out with gender identification, and gradually switches to that mama’s boy, daddy’s girl bit. I don’t know. It’s not even really that I don’t think he likes me. I know he does, nothing fixes a bonk quite like a Mama hug. I just want some of the superhero status that Dad has. 🙂

  2. The first time he has a nightmare and screams for Mommy, you can pop on a smug little grin as you drag your tired ass toward his room. If you’re awake enough to remember to, anyway.

  3. I really enjoyed this post. One of the things it reminds me of is how important it is for me to be a role model to my sons.
    I am sure he will take many of your qualities even though he does not realize that now. He will probably end up being closer to you in many ways as well – just like most boys are closer with their mom.

    • It’s great when boys have awesome fathers to look up to. And boy, oh boy, does my Doodle have one heckuva dad. It’s just difficult when there are attributes that Jake does not necessary show (god love him) that I think are really important and I want Doodle to learn. I find myself demanding certain behaviors and mannerisms from Jake to make sure Doodle has access to those coming from his father. I guess I’m just impatient. I know everything will come in time, but I also know the importance of his early years and a solid foundation of aspirations.

  4. We go through the same thing in our house. I always point out to my wife who my son asks for when he’s sick, or who he wants to snuggle with at night. The only thing in the world stronger than a healthy father/son bond is the love that same healthy kid has for his mother.

    -DD

  5. Pingback: I Think He’s Got a Future! | Stay at Home Trauma

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