Someone Call a Priest!


Quick!  Seriously, I think we need an exorcism over here…

So it all started two days ago…  I was in the kitchen baking some delish cookies (I’ll give you the recipe someday) just chatting away with my sister.  All of a sudden, there was a weird scratching scurrying sound coming from my baking stuff cabinet.  WTF, right?  I’ve never had a scratching scurrying sound in my cabinets.  My sister knew immediately what it was.  (I did too, I think I was just in denial.)  Eww!  A mouse!

So we grab flashlights, start opening cabinets, moving things around, over sanitizing all of my bake-wares, frantically trying to fix the situation.  I even posted on my facebook an open invitation for help with this issue with the incentive of fresh-baked cookies.  I got tons of “help” from out of town and state friends and family, which was quite nice that they were concerned, but really I need someone here!  Jake’s at non-stop school and work!  He can’t do the typical “man” jobs right now, and I’m effing terrified of this thing!

Now that I think about it, the offer of cookies might have put off some of my local friends, the whole unsanitary connotation that comes along with rodents…  yeah, I should have offered Taco Bell or something…

So the world continued turning, the mouse kept scurrying, life tried to go on.  Last night, I heard him around my oven.  Mind you, this was right after I made some pizza sticks at 375 effing degrees.  Not only am I now terrified that the dinner I just served my Doodle and myself was severely contaminated, but that should’ve roasted the little fucker, don’t you think?  So anyway, I turned on the light in my oven, opened the door, and sat on the counter – far away enough to be safe if he went into attack mode!

I got my camera and started recording to see if I could at least get some audio of this invader, and maybe if he poked his little rodent head out of whatever crevice he was in I could get actual video proof of this thing!  If I didn’t jump ten feet in the air and throw my camera blindly at the sight of him, at least.  So there I am recording this effer, and I hear what sounds like a freaking raccoon or something else giant and disgusting scurrying around.  Seriously,  this thing sounded massive – couldn’t possibly be a mouse, right?

All of a sudden, on the other side of the kitchen, I hear a different scurrying scratching sound coming from the closet under the stairs.  That’s where my craft supplies are!  Fuckers are going to mess with my baking shit and my crafty shit!  Aw, Hell no!

Hubby comes home late last night, and we do our normal talk about his work- and school-day bit.  Then I show him the audio proof of the wildabeast in the oven and explain to him about the new vermin inhabiting my closet.  He’s totally ooked out, but we don’t have time to get traps and things.

So then, as if things couldn’t be awful enough already, I go to get a glass of water.  I’m thirsty, not atypical, so I grab the glass and turn on the faucet.  Jake’s standing right by me, still working up a gameplan for this rodent issue.  All of a sudden, my glass starts filling up with pastel green foam.  PASTEL GREEN FOAM!  Coming out of my faucet!  WHAT THE EFF?!?!

So we start googlizing looking for answers, nothing in the world fits my predicament.  I’m just so thirsty!  We decide we’ll stick to apple juice for the night (not nearly as refreshing) and call the rental management people in the morning.  Jake goes to turn on the tube for a few minutes of “relaxation” before we go to bed, and the t.v. starts getting all pixelated and blacking out.

Our t.v.,  internet, and phone are all on the same account, they’re all connected.  And I was just online googlizing!  I grab the tablet, no internet.  I swear I paid the bill!  I grab the phone, nothing.  We couldn’t even call a priest if we wanted to!  What in the world is happening???

It’s past midnight by now, so we throw in the towel and figure we’ll take care of what we need to tomorrow.  We go upstairs and Jake peeks in on Doodle to make sure he’s breathing – parents of younger babies, I’m not sure that habit ever goes away.  Parents of older chitlins, does it?

Now, when Doodle isn’t sleeping and he’s supposed to be, he’s really good about letting us know.  He’ll knock on his door, say cute little “hewwo?”s, to us, or start up conversations with Charlie and Slyfox.  None of that was happening as Jake slowly cracked the door open, so you can imagine the level of shock he had when Doodle was standling up right next to the door silently staring down my husband, all Children-of-the-Corn-like.  Apparently he needed his blanket.  Apparently when he was still laying in bed with the blanket on, it just wasn’t right?  Who effing knows, but seriously not his MO to just stand there silently.

So we wake up, Jake goes off to school.  Doodle’s doing fine, I’ve flushed out about a hundred gallons of water and it’s running clear, rental management isn’t concerned about the water since it’s running clear now and they’re happy so long as we deal with the mice, all of our utilities are up and running, and our houseguests are being quiet.  But I’m terrified to drink from the tap, I feel like anything I cook right now will give us all mersa, and I’m scared that if Jake goes to work leaving me without a car that the internet and phone will randomly go out again, and Doodle and I will be trapped inside of this house with no way to cry for help if the demons start acting up again.  Seriously, I need a priest!


7 responses »

  1. Yikes!!! I’m assuming you’re hooked up to public water supply (vs private well). Did you call your water co? I’m thinking maybe the water treatment plant had a bad night. I’m sure it’s not isolated to your house unless you had leftover soap in the glass??
    As for rodents, I wish like hell I could let you borrow one or more of the three Stupid Cats. They may be troublesome but they’ll kill anything.
    Good luck and may the force be with you.

    • I did not, I guess I should do that. Soap was my guess too, at first, but we don’t have any green dish soap and we used about a dozen different glasses to see if it was just one or two from the same load, nope, it was even in the little screen on my faucet.

      I’d love to take a cat, and a friend mentioned going to the humane society to borrow a cat for a week or so. Problem is I’m allergic to them, and I’ve spent the last two years ridding all of our cloth things of leftover dander.

      I’m taking Jake to work today and picking up some mousetraps. Gets me out of the house, keeps me with access to the outside world should demons return, and gets what we need taken care of where hubby just doesn’t have the time. Hopefully things will be remedied, and soon! I’ll be sure to keep you updated with this saga.

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